Can't get my sh** together

Lately, I feel like I've been running around aimlessly, just keeping my head above water. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to sit down and share something here, but it seems impossible for me to be able to sit down for more than 30 seconds to type. I guess that's to be expected when you have 4 kids, one being a newborn, one home schooled, and one 3 year old who doesn't go to preschool.
I've been frustrated with myself as a mother like no other time in my life. I'm impatient with the kids and impatient with Mark. I'm constantly asking for God's mercy!...but shouldn't I be doing that anyway?
I've been struggling with living in the now, trying to enjoy the many blessings God has given our family and not just wishing for "when this or that". Mark gave me a wake up call when he made an innocent observation the other day. He said, "Emily, you are living your dream, right? Didn't you tell me your dream when you were younger was to be a mommy and have 4 kids?". It's like I was jolted awake from sleep. I thought, "yes, and I'm making myself miserable much of the time because it's much more difficult than I thought it would be!".
My conclusion was that all God calls me to do is to believe in Him and rest in His perfect will. I will never have my sh** together, and God knows that, and He loves me anyway....I want to rest in that.

Found this growing in our yard!

Sweet Geneva. Can't help but post a pic of her.